5 Steps to 100% Visibility
What is 100%?
My philosophy of 100% – A Life Approach is awareness of our truest human nature. When we are not under threat, humans have a huge capacity for joy, curiosity, and connection. In the 21st century, however, we have so many advancements that have gotten in the way of our truest social nature.
Here’s where it gets wild: The tools of power, authority, and control that we’ve been provided from our modern society only gives us the illusion of being our true selves. This causes pain in us that comes out as procrastination, imposter syndrome, and comparison. Finding the 100% line helps us set up the boundaries and self-compassion to get back to our authentic selves.
How I shaped my 100% visibility
In July 2020, I resolved to be radically honest with myself and my loved ones when they asked, “how are you?” A full year of this lifestyle, especially after the whirlwind emotions of quarantine, made me face a lot of my fears, doubts, and limitations. It also gave me, for the very first time, the opportunity to see their response to my fears. I was met with love, their own fears, and a sense of true belonging in their hearts. I was also met with the reality that some loved ones didn’t want this level of honesty.
My primary form of visibility is social media. For you, it may be promoting yourself to your manager, clients, or team. With this new commitment, I quickly noticed that my presence on social media platforms was not honestly answering the question, “how are you?”
After lots of conversations, especially with my husband who was writing on the theme of secrecy and privacy, I discovered how secretive I have been by people-pleasing. Now, I know (a little more) what true visibility means to me. It’s connecting with people I can serve in a way that brings me to my 100% nature of joy, curiosity, and connection. More on my discoveries on post-quarantine marketing and getting back to uniqueness can be found in the links.
Steps to Discovering Your 100% Visibility
1. Understanding the need visibility fulfills
Before you evaluate if you’re oversharing or hiding, it’s time to be honest about what need you’re desperately trying to fulfill through the act of visibility. Here’s what I’ve found in myself and my clients:
Connection
Physical well-being
Honesty
Play
Peace
Autonomy
Meaning
When exploring your needs, keep in mind that you may be confusing socialized needs with true needs. Here’s an example of the needs belonging vs fitting in:
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
– Brené Brown, Gifts of Imperfection
2. Choosing the act of being visible
Why have you chosen to refine your personal brand and to be visible?
Desperation: I'm visible to people who will give it to me... In the way I think they'll be convinced to give it to me
Action: I'm visible to people who also need it and will create it with me
Being: I am fulfilling my need and using my journey to connect with others
None of them are wrong! However, my clients fall into the trap of overwhelm when they’re choosing one way that doesn’t match what they’re intending. It’s a discovery journey not meant to be perfect from the start, so be prepared to practice awareness before action.
3. Intentionality
Now that you’ve identified your need (you have full permission to update it later) and you’ve chosen your mindset, it’s time to ask practical questions.
Who is your dream audience to get what you need? In the age of empathy marketing, talking to everyone means you’re talking to no one. This is applicable even if your dream audience are your parents, friends, or a community you’ve never met. So who are you connecting with to fulfill your need? What goals, frustrations, and motivations do they have? How do you fit in their lives? I made a template to help you out.
How can you use empathy to choose how you interact with them? Most of my clients are in analysis fields, so my template works great for them. However, generating empathy for people you haven’t met is a creative endeavour filled with curiosity and fun! You will not succeed if you’re taking this phase as an obligation. You could talk directly to them, check out what they’re talking about in their public communities, or ask someone who already did the research. Pick a method that gives you energy!
Are you sure you’re connecting with your true dream audience? It’s a very happy day around the second month of the Personal Branding Program when my client says, “Oh, that persona? No, I haven’t really thought of them. Their opinion isn’t that important to me right now.” We sometimes fall in the trap of empathizing intensely with secondary audiences.
Here are some examples:
In the job market: You may forget to empathize with the very important recruiter and put all your focus on the CEO that you won’t meet for a couple of months.
While looking for clients: You may focus more on your peers because your reputation with them matters instead of the actual potential clients that need you and will pay you.
As an entrepreneur: You may put all your time and energy into the customers, which is SO important, but forget about networking with investors and mentors.
4. Getting your energy to flow for you
“One of the most shocking findings of my work was the idea that the most compassionate people I have interviewed over the last 13 years were also the absolutely most boundaried.”
– Brené Brown on Boundaries
Simply put, those with effective boundaries have more room to be compassionate without regret, resentment, or shame. By taking away the things that would make someone panic or want to isolate, they are left with the truest nature of being human.
I come from a mixed-culture household, so setting firm boundaries that are taught in courses just didn’t work for me. Instead, I broke it down this way:
I know what takes and what gives me energy. This came after a lot of observation and letting go of what should give me energy. For example, big celebratory milestones leave me in heartbreak. It’s weird, temporary, but a fact. So any time I know a graduation or completion of something is coming up, I take a couple of days before and after to take it easy and manage my energy. Here are things you will benefit from observing
Activities – Don’t limit yourself to the result of the activities. Posting on social media isn’t an activity, capturing moments and sharing them is. Mediating between colleagues isn’t an activity, finding harmony in a group through leadership and empathy is.
People – The categorization of people will vary wildly for each of us. Perhaps it’s how they make you feel, what you talk about, or even how you talk (text vs calls).
Environment – Cafe or bedroom? Office or park? Organized or adorably jungle-ish? All are valid and lovely as long as you feel your preferred mood when you’re there.
Here’s the fun part, you don’t have to cut out anything, you just need to manage the energy flow. Space out what drains you, understand why those are important enough to put yourself through, and make time to recharge your way.
5. Living your 100% visibility
I pride myself on being an accountability coach first and foremost. When my clients take all these beautiful inner decisions out in the real world, they’re testing it for the first time which is uncomfortable. It’s easy to feel shame and think, “shouldn’t this be easier if it’s just four steps?”
Oh, bubu, it’s wildly difficult because it’s so simple. If it were easy, we’d all be doing it.
The ease and fulfillment that comes from 100% is after learning about factors that can only be met while putting it into action. I fully credit my mentor Heather Dominick for showing me the ropes in this lifestyle. Here are some reminders to help you discern between reality and your perception of it.
Honor your privacy and know how it’s different than your secrecy/hiding
Know you have permission to speak to your current experience without being a fake. You can indeed share what you learned without a certificate. And if you read this far, I fully believe you’d never lie about being an expert or being certified. Let me put it this way: are you looking to connect, or to teach a PhD class filled with students paying $100,000 tuition?
Value what you can say. Yes, there are things you’re not an expert in, but dang it there’s so much more that you can say to build honest connections. Your hesitation proves you’ll know when it’s lying.
Once this is in full swing, you’ll calmly see the need to adapt your plan regularly, even weekly! This is a great sign that you’re in learning mode, taking you away from confusion and overwhelm. Here are some questions to consider while keeping up with the steps:
Is there a need to visibly update your dream audience about the change? Does it affect their frustrations and motivations if you don’t?
Have you changed in the first three steps? How can you be true to yourself without getting exhausted?
Have you reached the limit on your willpower or knowledge? Who can you ask for help?
Why 100%?
100% visibility is the perfect method to get away from the overwhelm and confusion you’ve been feeling. These low-level emotions are important signals that you’re not aligned with who you are, and it will be impossible to gain the trust you desire. Humans can smell inauthenticity and meet it with wild demands or disinterest. It’s why you’ve been feeling fearful and rejected.
I wish I figured this out sooner, especially in building friendships and communities that help me be the person I’m aspiring to be. I hid from people who wanted to help because I couldn’t identify my needs. I felt constantly ignored because I didn’t know who I was talking to or why. I burnt myself out quarterly, putting myself out of service and being unable to remember why I had so many commitments. This is not the fate I want anyone else to ever endure, and I can’t wait to hear how you put this into action.
True belonging is not something you negotiate externally, it’s what you carry in your heart. It’s finding the sacredness in being a part of something.
– Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness